Funny stuff

[Tirnak Lynxclaw]

BATMAAAAAN!

[Claws]

SMART AR*ED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009




6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
________________________________
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
________________________________
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, ' I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
________________________________
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
________________________________
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road.
A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.'
Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
________________________________

SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'.

[Claws]

Thats how fights start!




My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

********************************* *********


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

********************************* *********

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it....
He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

********************************* ********

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

********************************* *********

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

********************************* *********

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

********************************* *********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink
as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since..'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

********************************* *********

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started....

********************************* *********

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started.....
__________________

[Drevan]

Google "(Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2"

[Ragaresh]

Video where Rargnasha, Kiro and Vezara plus some others i forgot participated in! Check it out.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xew55g_epic-roleplaying-episode-three-what_videogames

(posting here cos lazy people don't have RP-forum account)

[Drevan]

I love the 70's!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrwiquIaZkk&feature=related

[Claws]

Woof

Opps pinned it twice.
Silly old me.

[Kragel]

[Kragel]

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/937/icing.png
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/full.jpg?w=500&h=2915

[Kozgugore]

That cat is freaking me out. Severely.

[Gnash]

[Garashna]

Cat is so not amused!

[Morgeth]

Found this on the Sixty Thieves (Thanks, Burgorg!) and it's also on mmo-champion (http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/788940-A-Sad-Day-in-Theramore). Thought I'd repost it, because I thought it was pretty funny.





Thrall: Knock, knock, anyone home?
Jaina: Thrally!
Thrall: I was in the neighborhood...
Jaina: Aww, did you come all this way just to see me?
Thrall: Ok, yes, you got me.
Jaina:That's so sweet! I mean, I know it's not easy for you to run through Alliance territory--
Loud Voice from Outside: Dustwallow is NOT Alliance! It's a contested zone!
Jaina:...you brought Garrosh Hellscream?
Thrall: Yeah, he's my ride.
Jaina: But...
Garrosh: I think that's all the Theramore guards. I'll work on their shopkeepers and profession trainers while you two are talking.
Thrall: Hey! We talked about this already! Just...stand outside or something.
Garrosh: Fine.
Jaina: Um...what's going on?
Thrall: Yeah...we need to talk.
Jaina: OK...
Thrall: It's kind of important.
Jaina: Uh huh...
Thrall: Jaina, honey...I gotta go.
Jaina: Go?
Thrall: And I don't think the long-distance thing is gonna work out.
Jaina: Wait, go where?
Thrall: It's--
Jaina: Because I'm a mage, you know? Like, a REALLY good one. I can make a portal to anywhere. Whenever! See look--
Thrall: No, I believe you--
Jaina: There, see?
Sartharion: WHAT THE...WHO KEEPS OPENING THOSE?
Thrall: Yes, dear, I know.
Sartharion: I SMELL SWAMP WATER. IS THAT YOU, ONYXIA? I TOLD YOU, I DON'T DATE LEVEL 60 RAID BOSSES.
Thrall: Onyxia's 80 now! Jeez.
Sartharion: OH REALLY? MAN I SHOULD LOOK HER UP.
Thrall: Anyhow, I'm needed in the elemental planes. All of them. I'll be moving around a lot for a while.
Jaina: (sniff) The elemental planes?
Thrall: Yeah, it's a shaman thing. And they're not really big on, um, "unnatural" magic in there. No offense.
Jaina: But if we (sniff) work together...
Thrall: It's just not going to work out. I'm sorry, baby.
Jaina: But (snort) you said that (snorglrt) we could (sno-sno-snort)
Thrall: Ok I can't understand you anymore.
Jaina: Y-y-you said (snorglrlgrlrt)
Thrall: Here, blow hard.
**KABOOOOOM**
Thrall: Ow! Arcane explosion? Damn, woman!
Garrosh: My warchief! Has she--
Thrall: No, we're ok, aren't we?
Jaina: (sniff) (sniff) (sniff) uh-huh...(sniff)
Thrall: Seriously, just wait outside.
Garrosh: Whatever.
Jaina: ...so...(sniff)...you're saying...(sniff)...it's over?
Thrall: I'm really sorry, honey. But I have to go save the multiverse. They need me in there.
Jaina: But (sniff) you can't hearth on the weekends? Or send (sniff) letters or something?
Thrall: It's not like this is a vacation. I don't want to go, baby, you know that. But I have to save the world.
Jaina: But (sniff)
Thrall: And that means humans, too, remember?
Jaina: But (sniff) we were talking about children. Re(sniff)remember?
Thrall: Yes, I remember. We looked it up. There's only been like one half-orc in the history of ever. What was her name?
Jaina: Ga(sniff)Garona Halforcen.
Thrall: And what did she do?
Jaina: She (sniff) she killed King Wrynn.
Thrall: She killed King Wyrnn. Yes.
Jaina: Is this because of that one time I soloed the Lich King and brought him down to like 80%? Because I'm sure you could--
Thrall: No, this isn't about your ex.
Jaina: Is this because I'm like two feet taller than you?
Thrall: Actually I'm a big fan of that, really.
Jaina: Is it--
Thrall: Come on, earthquakes? Elemental rifts? Seas of lava, armies of cultists, Twilight Saga posters everywhere?
Jaina: Twilight HAMMER.
Thrall: Whatever. Anyhow you know this is serious. You know I have to do this.
Jaina: But--
Thrall: And I need YOU here, in the physical world of Azeroth. You're the most powerful mage I've ever met, and I need you ready in case I fail. Nobody else is strong enough.
Jaina: Um...ok...
Thrall: AND I need your calm mind keeping some amount of peace between Horde and Alliance, in case--
Garrosh: Get away from me, you dwarf runt! Do I look like a questgiver to you?
Thrall: Well, something like that, for example.
Garrosh: You want a quest? How about a fetch quest? Go fetch my axe! (distant yelp) It's over there, stuck in your flight master.
Jaina: You...(sniff) you really need this?
Thrall: I do. WE do. This is for the good of the whole world. You know I wouldn't leave you for anything less, right?
Jaina: (sniff) well...
Thrall: Come on, you know I love you. You know that.
Sartharion: IF YOU TWO ARE GOING TO GET MUSHY, CLOSE THAT DAMN PORTAL FIRST. I'M DRY-HEAVING ALREADY.
Jaina: Fine.
Sartharion: THAT'S BET*pop*
Jaina: But now what am I going to do? I can't date anyone in the Alliance anymore. I'm blacklisted after our time together.
Thrall: Well, there's lots of Horde men. How about Lor'themar Theron? He's pretty.
Jaina: Oh, please, like HE dates women.
Thrall: Vol'jin's a good guy.
Jaina: I heard he was seeing that tiger lady.
Thrall: Oh right. Sylvanus?
Jaina: HAH. In whose dreams, mister?
Thrall: What about Cairne?
Jaina: Isn't he like four hundred?
Thrall: Hmm, yeah. Well, his son's pretty virile. And have you see that spear he carries?
Jaina: Well...I guess maybe--
Thrall: See? You'll be fine. I gotta get moving. You stay strong for me, ok?
Jaina: ...ok...
Thrall: I'll stop by the second this whole "end of the world" thing is over, I promise. Come on, Garrosh.
Garrosh: Listen, I love seeing humans reduced to tears and all, don't get me wrong. But that was harsh, even by my standards.
Thrall: Players gotta play.

[Mazguul]

I'm laughing so hard it hurts! Make it stop please, Morgeth! 

[Greggar]

That was really fun tor read Fun thing is, it's true most of the times.