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[Part I - Night Terrors]

Part I - Night Terrors

Demons! The demons were everywhere! They kept raining down from the sky like fallen stars, making the earth shatter and bleed with the impact. And from the wounds green blood poured, vicious, burning and tainted. Their shrieks and screams heralded the oncoming wave of destruction and it swept across the lands like the violent rush of tide. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
“Sinami Swifthowl. From today onward, I am yours forever…”
The words were barely above a whisper, but they still reached me through the din of clashing weapons and the agonized screams of the dying.
“…on this earth, until the very afterlife…”
Notch. Draw. Release. Arrow after arrow. Demon after demon. One laboured breath after the other. And yet they kept on coming. I fought on.
“…may the spirits punish me were I to ever break these vows…”
But I was so tired. Every arrow I notched to my bow seeped my strength a little bit further, wore me down bit by bit. I was a lonely island of life amidst a sea of death and corruption. A tiny flickering flame, its glow dimming by the minute.
“…and may our songs forever be joined together.”
The demons pressed closer and closer, smothering the very air I needed to breathe, the air I needed to stay alive. I kept on fighting… and fighting… and fighting… until my flame was finally snuffed out… forever…

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I woke with a silent scream of defiance and grief still on my lips. My throat felt raw and constricted and my heart beat wildly in my chest. A dream. Just a dream. I took a few gulps of air, such precious, wonderful air, and rested my forehead against my up drawn knees. Breathe in. Breathe out. My breathing sounded ragged but at least the deep breaths helped me regain control of the panic still surging through my body.

I raised my head again and found a pair of turquoise eyes studying me warily from across the fire.
*Again?*
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak just yet. I reached beside me and picked up my waterskin, taking a few mouthfuls to help soothe my sore throat.
*How many nights has it been now?*
“Five… six..? I don’t know. I can’t remember.” My voice came out a hoarse croak.
Ashensong let out a deep growl of annoyance as she padded around the fire to stand directly in front of me.
*This has to stop. You will drop dead from exhaustion otherwise.* Ashensong snapped her jaws in frustration, mere inches from my face. I didn't even flinch. I just stared back at her, annoyance flaring briefly in my own eyes.
“Any suggestion as to how I can make the dreams stop? My mind keeps replaying the horrors of the past few weeks over and over…”
*I have been right there with you every time. I know very well what your terrors show you every night.* The Garn’s rage was a living thing, beating against my already battered and fragile mind.

I closed my eyes and hung my head, seemingly not frightened in the least by having a fully grown, and furious, Garn snap her jaws so close to my face. Most others would probably have pissed themselves in fear and tried to turn tail and run at the first opportunity, but I wasn’t afraid. I knew the underlying reason for Ashensong’s fury and I knew it wasn’t directed at me. Not really. The Garn wanted simple solutions to her problems. If it was a threat, you killed it. But the night terrors weren’t simple and they definitely weren’t an easy kill. The lack of control frightened her and it frightened her even more to see her beloved pack sister’s strength fade away day by day, especially when she, a fierce and fearless Garn, was helpless to stop it. So I let the wolf snarl and snap, allowing my wolf sister’s rage on my behalf to wash over me like a soothing balm.

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*I found it!* Ashensong’s excitement registered faintly in my foggy, sleep deprived mind, and I felt a tiny flicker of hope ignite in my chest. We had made slow progress today. I kept stumbling and I was barely aware of where I was going, but yet we still walked on. Ever searching, ever looking. We had to be even more careful these days, due to my diminishing strength. All it would take was one mistake and we would both feed the demons.

Another excited yip from Ashensong and I forced myself into a slow jog to catch up with the wolf, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other.
*It is several days old, but it is there!* The Garn was almost dancing in place, joy and restless energy coursing through her body.
I took a deep breath, sniffing the air. Nothing…nothing…there! It was so faint that my senses barely even recognized it. If Ashensong hadn’t been absolutely positive it was there I probably would have dismissed it as a figment of my imagination, a trick played by my mind. It was a marvel that the Garn had even managed to pick up the scent at all since the air was so polluted with the stench of fel, but now, for the first time in weeks, we had hope.

[finally]

A continuation of this: Not Strong Enough

I should never have come back. The thought had been churning in my mind for days now, ever since I laid eyes on Srelok again. I thought my time away had helped me come to terms with everything that had happened, that I had finally been able to put it behind me and move on. I was confident and comfortable in my decision to stay with Kozgugore. My devotion to him was unwavering, and because of it I had thought things would just be able to go back to normal between Srelok and me… the way they had been before everything had happened. Perhaps it had been naïve of me to think that way, or perhaps I just didn’t want to acknowledge the feelings that I had shoved so far down that I barely noticed they were there most of the time…but they were. And once I saw him again they came roaring back to the surface with a vengeance. The force of it was like being crushed beneath a mountain and I cursed the day I had befriended him in the first place.

It didn’t help that being back put me in the incredibly painful and awkward situation of being assaulted by his unguarded emotions at every freaking hour of the day either. I had slammed up walls around my own mind to keep him out, to stop him from noticing my feelings and the difficulties I were having in trying to cope with being near him again. I had no idea if he noticed or even cared, his emotions hadn’t revealed anything in that regard, but at least it kept him from knowing my feelings. But I was nowhere near skilled enough to keep my own emotions from escaping and keep his emotions from breaking through the barrier again and again. I could just do one thing at a time and to me the most important thing seemed to be to keep Srelok from ever realizing how much being close to him hurt me.

Before coming back I had made a promise to myself that I would do my very best to be a good friend to Srelok, just the way I had been before everything had happened. I would be someone he could talk to, a shoulder to cry on, whatever he needed. But it was easy to think that when distance had dulled our bond into near nonexistence. When faced with the actual harsh reality that promise proved to be extremely hard to keep. But I would be damned if I couldn’t do at least that much. I could pretend, I could be understanding, I could be a friend…even if every time I tried a small part of me died.

I had realized a long time ago that I would love them both until the day I died, but coming to terms with that realization and facing the consequences of it were two entirely different things. I loved Kozgugore beyond reason and I couldn’t quite believe that he had offered me a mating bond despite knowing that my heart would always be torn in two. But he had and it only made me love him more. But I still couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt and inadequacy that came over me when I thought about it. He deserved better, he deserved so much more. If I could have eradicated Srelok from my heart completely I would have done it. I had tried to on countless occasions in the wilds, but it had proven to be both fruitless and painful. Having the bond between us being as broken as it was right now was painful enough… as if a piece of me was missing, as if I had torn off an arm or a leg. And I couldn’t bring myself to sever it completely, since that would surely kill me.

I knew the pain would have been just as awful if it had been the other way around, if I had chosen Srelok instead of Kozgugore. They were both vital parts of me that I just couldn’t lose. But for all our sakes, and for the happiness of both Srelok and Kozgugore I had to let one of them go. Or at least try to. Srelok deserved to be loved and cared for, just as much as Kozgugore did, and I had to let him go so that he could find it. It was the only way. Even if a part of me died over and over again just thinking about it.

But I would be strong and I would give Kozgugore everything I had, all I could offer, and I would try to be Srelok’s friend even if our previous closeness was gone forever. I would be strong and not let anyone see just how much it hurt me. It was the least I could do after everything I had put them both through after all.

My decision made I turned around in my bedroll and snuggled a bit closer to Kozgugore, nuzzling his neck with the tip of my nose. His scent a soothing balm for my frayed heart and emotions. Just being near him dulled the ache in my chest and I finally allowed myself to feel true happiness that we were finally embarking on our mating hunt. I’d be his, completely, now and always. And for now, for this perfectly blissful moment where it was just him and me, I could ignore the small part of my heart that shouted BETRAYAL.

[stupid]

I woke with a start and clasped a hand over my mouth to stifle the shriek of complete agony that was working its way up my throat. Panicked I glanced beside me, afraid that I had startled Kozgugore awake as well, but he was sleeping soundly beside me...thank the ancestors. Every nerve in my body was tingling with pain and I curled up into a tight ball against Feraleye's side, hoping against all hope that making myself as small as possible would somehow make the pain go away. Of course that wasn't the case, but an orc can dream... My heart was beating frantically within my chest and my breathing came out shallow and rasping, as if I had been running for days without stopping...or perhaps like I had been screaming as loudly as I could for hours.

I don't know for how long I lay there, every muscle in my body pulled taut against the constant pain. Moment passed by moment and eventually I could smell the first scents of dawn on the wind. With the dawn came a sudden restlessness, an urge to run and run and run and never look back. Just... disappear. It would be so easy. Just climb down the mountain and take off. I had a wyvern now, we could fly wherever we wished and -no-one- would be able to follow our trail. But that was the easy way out, the coward's way...and wasn't that what I had worked all my life to prove? That I wasn't a coward? That I could be strong? So why couldn't I be strong enough to choose? Why did the mere thought of having to make a choice send lightning bolts of pain through my whole body, rendering me incapable of movement?

The weight of Kozgugore's arms around me was comforting and familiar and I allowed myself a moment to just admire him as he was sleeping. He'd moved in his sleep and his wolf mask had been pushed back far enough to reveal his face, something that, even for me, was a rarity to behold. Sleep had smoothed out his usual frown and lines of worry and he looked completely at peace. Innocent.
I brushed a few stray strands of hair away from his face, allowing my fingers to trail across his cheek in a gentle caress in the process. Wasn't that one of the things that pained me the most? That Feraleye was a complete innocent in this? He'd given me his heart freely, intentions pure, and while I loved him fiercely, I had only given him pain in return.

Suddenly the embrace felt almost suffocating and I struggled for a minute to break out of it without waking him. When I was free I crawled some distance away, wincing as the movement pulled at my injured foot. I sat down and hugged my knees tightly against my chest, bowing my head against the storm of emotions raging inside of me. But they weren't all mine, were they? I could feel the flavour of Srelok's emotions in there as well. By now I knew his emotions almost as well as my own and I could easily pick him apart from a crowd while being a good distance away. Right now I could feel his suffering, tightly entwined with my own, and the weight of it was slowly crushing me. A soft snarl of anger slipped out and I curled my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms hard enough to draw blood. His stupid decision to distance himself from me in an attempt to break our bond had accomplished absolutely nothing... aside from more pain...for both of us.

A memory washed over me. I tried to close my eyes against it, ward it off, but it beat against my mind mercilessly and eventually I allowed myself to be swept away for the duration of a few heartbeats.

I was back in Nagrand. Kosh'harg was in full swing, but I had no interest in pursuing that night's entertainment. My sole focus had been to make Srelok talk to me again, something he had been refusing to do lately. He was standing in front of me, grumbling, and I remembered just snapping at him the first thing that entered my mind.
"So, this is how it's going to be from now on? We're not going to talk? Not ever?"
Amazingly I had gotten a response, even if he still refused to look at me.
"We're talking now. I have no further intentions to antagonise the chieftain. He's made it clear I should stay away from you...and he's right. You and he are together, maybe not mated, but I have no right to pursue you."
At this he had finally looked up and stared right at me, keeping me locked in place with his gaze.
"I love you, Sinami. Like I never loved anything in my life. There... the truth is out..."
The words had pierced my heart and rendered me unable to breathe for a few long moments. I couldn't even speak. I didn't know what to say. But once the truth lay between us Srelok had looked away again, looking more miserable than I had ever seen him before. It was heartbreaking. He spoke again.
" And that love is what causes all our problems..."
Somehow I had found the words to speak, but they came out barely above a whisper.
"...not just yours, Srelok. Not just yours...It might have been what started it all, yes... but it's a little bit more complicated than that now."
" What do you mean...? "
I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths before answering.
"You loving me might have sparked it all, but..."
The next words seemed to come out in a rush, and at the end of it I was breathing hard, panic surging through my body... but alongside it had also been relief. Relief to finally have the truth spoken out loud.
" ...I love you both, alright? It's not something I counted on or wished for, but there it is. The truth is out."

The rest of the conversation was hazy, but one other moment stood out with perfect clarity. I remembered staring intently at Srelok at one point, trying to commit his features to memory, when this strange urge had come upon me and pulled me forward. I hadn't been able to resist it and suddenly I had found myself cupping his face between my palms. I had leaned in very slowly, whispering "I'm sorry" before I had brushed my lips against his in the briefest of kisses. The kiss hadn't lasted for more than a few seconds and it had been feather light, but it had still sent a jolt of -something- through my body and my longing for him had increased tenfold.

I still have no idea what Srelok felt at that moment, but I do remember him holding me tightly for as long as the kiss lasted and I also remember that I didn't want him to let go. But in the end I had been the one to take a step back, to break the connection and not allow it to go any further than that.  It had been an incredibly selfish thing to do, but in that brief span of time I had been blissfully happy. All worries had melted away and there had been just us.

The lancing pain of the memory finally brought the tears to the fore and I had to use my cloak to muffle my desperate sobs. Another memory entered into my mind uninvited and I was just as helpless against it as I had been the first one. Once more I was pulled under.

A different time and dimension, but still the same place. Nagrand, with its rolling hills and rivers. Kozgugore and I were sitting together underneath the large tree... our tree. We were talking and our low voices were sometimes teasing and playful and sometimes thoughtful and serious. We were sitting close, leaned in towards one another, our bodies so close they almost brushed against each other. We didn't know each other very well then, but the tension and curiosity between us was almost physical enough to touch. We had been playing a game of questions and it had been Kozgugore's turn.
"Then my first question would be, what it is that compels you, to speak so freely to me. So unrestrained, as if we already knew one another?"
"That -is- a good question. And I can't rightly say... we may have gotten off on the wrong foot in the beginning, but despite that I feel... comfortable with sharing my thoughts with you. Which in itself is strange, since by my own rules and nature you'd be the first orc I'd try to hide my real self from, in an attempt to pass unnoticed and not give you a reason to turn me out of the tribe. But yet... here I am... doing the exact opposite."
"I hate to disappoint. But you -did- pass by noticed. -Very- noticed. If it goes against your nature so however..."
At that instant Kozgugore had moved his head just enough so that his lips brushed against my cheek as he spoke, the words just a whisper for my ears only.
"...perhaps we are simply not playing by your own rules and nature anymore."
"-Very noticed- even? And perhaps you're right and we're not playing by those rules anymore... or perhaps my nature is changing... or perhaps I just recognize something in you that pulls at me and challenges me to share my thoughts and feelings with you."
"You have gained my personal notice in you now, as well as my attention. So -perhaps- there is something that challenges me as well."
"But the question is... what is it that challenges us so? Because I'm not the only one to speak freely as if we already knew one another..."
"Some calls simply cannot be ignored. No matter how hard we might try to pull away from them. They tear at the heart. And once they have set their claws in it, they will not let go. Even if they perhaps do not make any sense."
"Do you want to pull away?"

Somehow the conversation had morphed from friendly and curious banter into something completely different, and I still didn't know how or why it had happened. It just.. did. Kozgugore had not wanted to pull away, instead he had pulled closer and whispered in my ear once again.
"Tell me what your call beckons for you to do."
"It...it beckons me to jump. To not run away. What does your call tell you to do?"
"It tells me to set my teeth in it and brace. To not let it or the opportunity it presents to me crawl away from me. And to jump along into the unknown, were that which I set my teeth into jump as well."
I remember lifting my hand and caressing his cheek very gently as I whispered my next words back to him, a challenge as well as a hope.
"So jump."

I was pulled back into reality, but the ghost of the kiss that followed that particular memory still lingered on my lips. The first kiss we'd shared. I silently cursed my mind for being weak enough to fall prey to these particular memories. They were sweet, but they were also a deadly trap. A trap I couldn't seem to get out of, no matter how hard I struggled. I was nowhere near making any sort of choice either way, but the longer I waited the more pain I would bring to both of them... all of us. It was a loop without end, it just went on and on and on...how would I ever be able to break free of it?

[Present day]

Present day

He was lying. I knew it. Every word he said was a lie. I would not hurt him. Could not hurt him. Not like that... never like that. And yet... I could smell the blood... see the carved up arm right in front of my eyes... someone had done that to him... but it wasn't me. It could not have been me! Pain lanced through me, both physical and emotional and I fought hard to contain the scream that threatened to break free if I let go. I could not break. Needed to stay strong. I must not break. I held onto the words, clung to them desperately. They were the only things I had left, my only lifeline in a world that didn't make sense anymore.

My skin burned everywhere my clothes and cloak touched it, and yet I still wrapped the cloak tighter around myself. The pain reminded me that at least I was real, that the pain I had endured was real. But I wasn't so sure about the world around me though... the shadows outside the tent seemed to stretch their long clawed hands after me, wanting to pull me in and drag me under again like they had so many times before. I curled up even tighter against the back wall and closed my eyes. I knew it wouldn't shut the shadows out, since they were always there, waiting, watching, ready to pounce at a moment's notice, but it was instinct, pure and simple.  I knew it was futile... I had nowhere to hide. Not anymore.

Three weeks earlier

We sat together on the riverbank in Nagrand. The soft chirping sounds of the cicadas all around us. Fireflies were buzzing in the air like tiny little stars and then he spoke. Every word he said filled me with dread and I just wanted to run away. Hide. Flee. And never ever come back. I did not understand it. Could not understand it. How could he harbour such feelings for me? Why did he look at me like that? I couldn't take it in. Couldn't answer. And I definitely couldn't reciprocate. It was too much. I couldn't give that much. And without warning I pushed him in. I pushed him into the river and held him under. I watched, panicked as he struggled against my grip, tried to break free and come up for air. But he couldn't. Eventually he stopped moving and I released him.
"Farewell, brother..."

"She is strong, isn't she? We've been giving her small doses for days now, but she is still fighting it."
"So give her a stronger dose? If she's been fighting against the smaller doses, a larger one might make her more docile... more willing to talk."
"Fair enough. I will up the dose."

He stood opposite me. Looked at me with such devotion that I felt sick. I could not stand it. I didn't deserve what he was offering me. The red sands of Durotar were all around us, as far as the eye could see... as red as the sunset, as red as blood... as red as the heart he held out to me. I stared at it for a very long time, could barely comprehend what it was I saw. But then I slowly reached out my hand towards it. I saw the hope light in his eyes, the joy he felt because I was accepting his gift. I held his heart in my hand, the most precious thing someone could give to someone else. I could feel it beating against my palm, sure and strong. I could see the love in his eyes, it burned as bright as the stars above us. I raised my other hand, holding a dagger reflecting the red sands of Durotar on its blade, and stabbed the heart with all my might.

"She is starting to give in, finally. I did not realize it would take this much to break her..."
"Keep it up... the poison will soften her mind and the visions will do the rest. She will talk soon enough."

I was running. Fast. Strong. I was not running away from something... I was hunting. My prey was just in front of me, I could smell him. The thrill of the hunt thrummed in my veins, making my blood boil. I ran faster. I could hear him pleading with me as I closed in on him, but his words meant nothing to me...nothing at all.
"Sinami, please! Come back to me, I beg you! Please, this is not you..."
My only response was a vicious snarl as I pounced on him and felled him to the ground. His pleas and cries kept on increasing, but they didn't reach my ears... nor my heart. All I could hear was the frantic beating of his heart, all I could feel was his clammy skin underneath my hands, all I could smell was his fear and sweat... and the sweet, cloying scent of his blood.
"I love you... please, do not shut me out like this. Come back to me..."
His words fell on deaf ears. They were all lies anyway... and I did not listen to liars. I killed them.

Present day

"I do not have blood on my hands... I do not have blood on my hands... I do not have blood on my hands..." my throat was dry as the sand from my nightmares. No matter how hard I tried, I could not shut the dreams out.  I opened my eyes, but the faces from my dreams continued to swim before me... their looks of utter devotion, the love they held for me, the care... I did not deserve it, I could not deserve it... their faces... it was all lies, it had to be all lies! I could not have hurt them like that... could I? Lies, all lies! Bad dreams! Oh, please... make it stop, make it end!
"I do not have blood on my hands... I do not have blood on my hands... I do not have blood on my hands..."

Cold. Empty. Void. Those were the only words fitting enough to describe what I was feeling. The cloying scent of blood was thick in my nostrils and I had to fight against the urge to gag. I could feel the softness of his fur against my face, his body still warm in my arms. But with every passing moment that warmth seeped away, little by little. Soon enough I would be cradling a cold corpse, but right then and there I didn't care.

I could hear the others moving about around me. They approached one by one, offering what words of comfort they could, but they didn't reach me. Nothing could pierce the thick veil of grief that had settled around me, not their hands upon my shoulder, not their kindly meant words, nor their own grief in regards to what had happened. I was heavily shielded against it, my sole focus was on my best friend lying dead in my arms.

I had arrived at the Throne of the Elements filled with hope and excitement, as well as a healthy dose of nervousness and fear. Today would be the day when I would finally be granted sight. I just knew it! My deepest wish and most heartfelt dream would finally come true. Frostfang, being as attuned as he was to me, shared in my excitement and happily bounded alongside me and my borrowed riding wolf.

We had gathered the requested offerings last week, all four elemental cores being safely stashed in a bag of their own, a bag that was now in Rhonya's possession. We were as ready as we would ever be and I felt my heart soar with joy as Rhonya begun the ritual. But as the ritual progressed I would be painfully reminded of the truth in the old saying "be careful what you wish for, for the spirits might grant it to you"...

I knew something was wrong the moment The Spirit of the Wild, speaking through Rhonya, told me that the final price was yet to be paid. I felt my heart sink and sweat break out across my brow. The cores we had gathered hadn't been enough. They had all been accepted as tribute, of course, but they weren't the ultimate price... I suddenly recalled Rhonya telling me that the spirits could sometimes be cruel in their demands and a feeling of deepest unease settled in my heart as the spirit continued. 
"...For that, another shall have to fall into darkness. We have chosen the price, and will claim it. A beast of the wild, it will return to us in body. But it will live on in spirit."

I could feel invisible bonds holding me in place, I tried to strain against them and break their hold, but to no avail. I was rendered completely helpless and I would not be able to stop what was about to happen. And suddenly I knew. I knew what the spirit wanted and it filled me with dread. I would rather stay blind than having to pay the ultimate price for my sight, since, to me, that price was too high. I couldn't do it. Wouldn't do it. But I had been robbed of choice. Tricked.

My heart constricted within my chest as Frostfang turned to nuzzle me one last time and as he moved away from me, towards the awaiting death, I was filled with such grief that I scarcely have the words to describe it. Through our bond I could feel Frostfang's love and acceptance of his fate, his final sacrifice for me. But it was a sacrifice I had never asked of him, had never expected to ever ask of him, and I didn't want it. I wanted him with me, as he'd always been since the day he'd been born. I didn't want to be parted from him. I didn't want to live without him. Having to wake up every day without him cuddled close against me would be hard. Not being able to ever share in the thrill and pleasure of the hunt together would be agony. But to not be able to connect, mind to mind, heart to heart, soul to soul, as we'd always done ever since that first day... that would break my heart.

The invisible bonds seemed to tighten around me, but it only made me struggle harder. It was the hardest battle I had ever fought, and in the end it was all completely useless. Suddenly the air around me was filled with the scent of blood, and through our bond I could feel Frostfang's life draining from him and it brought me to my knees. Sorrow, rage and grief engulfed me in that instant and the rest of the ritual passed in a hazy blur.

It was only afterwards, when I watched the flames of the funeral pyre consume Frostfang's body that I remembered the details. I remembered being released from my bonds. I remembered The Spirit telling me to rejoice in this as a new beginning, not an ending. I remembered Kozgugore forcing Frostfang's blood down my throat. But they were all insignificant details in the face of the sorrow that raged through me. It was consuming me rapidly, and watching Frostfang's body being likewise consumed was too much to bear.

I knew they all shared my grief, Rhonya, Therak, Trakmar, Kozgugore and Srelok. I knew, deep down, that allowing them to comfort me might make things easier. I might have gained sight from that ritual, but my heart was still blinded by anguish and thus it wouldn't allow the others to reach it. I could feel the weight of that pain threatening to bring me under, to crush me, and suddenly I didn't want any part in it. I didn't want to feel it, didn't want to have to deal with it. So I shut it off. It took a brief moment of focused concentration and then all my emotions were locked away behind an impenetrable wall and I sunk into emotionless bliss.

"So now I experience a void I know so well
A song of emptiness are fed again
Thorns arise with the breeze of cold insanity
I am alive but yet so dead"
"And Still I Wither" by Enslavement of Beauty

[Extraverted:]

One of the things that have caught my interest recently is this thing about personality types. What personality type am I, what defines that type, what are the characteristics and so on. I did a test a little while ago to find out my own personality type and then I got to thinking... what if I took the same test, but answered as well as I could for Sinami instead? What would the results be? How different am I from her? Or are we pretty similiar?

It turns out we both have the same basic personality type, the INFJ (introversion, intuition, feeling, judging), but I am of the "turbulent" variant and she is of the "assertive" variant.

So then I got this idea that it would be fun to see what personality types everyone else's characters belonged to. The test is here: http://www.16personalities.com/ and you can take the test once as your character and post the results here... or you could do the test twice, once as yourself and once as your charcter just to compare. You don't have to share your own result in here if you don't want to, but I think it could be interesting to see.

To make it a little bit easier for people to understand the different "extremes" I'm going to write a short explanation for each below:

Extraverted: prefer group activities, think while speaking, get energized by social interaction
Introverted: prefer solitary activities, think before speaking, get exhausted by social interaction
Intuitive: imaginative, absorbed in ideas, rely on their intuition, focus on what might happen
Observant: down-to-earth, absorbed in practical matters, rely on their senses, focus on what has happened
Thinking: tough, follow their minds, focus on objectivity and rationality
Feeling: sensitive, follow their hearts, focus on harmony and cooperation
Judging: decisive, prefer clear rules and guidelines, see deadlines as sacred, seek closure
Prospecting: relaxed about their work, very good at improvising, prefer keeping their options open, seek freedom
Assertive: emotionally stable, calm, relaxed, refuse to worry too much
Turbulent: perfectionists, self-concious, success-driven, care about their image

My own results were:

Me: INFJ-T "The Advocate" Introverted: 46%, Intuitive: 29%, Feeling: 15%, Judging: 89%, Turbulent: 16%
Sinami: INFJ-A "The Advocate" Introverted: 30%, Intuitive: 13%, Feeling: 60%, Judging: 48%, Assertive: 18%
Lomenár: ISFJ-T "The Defender" Introverted: 51%, Observant 34%, Feeling 31%, Judging 76%, Turbulent 9%

So check out the test and share and discuss your own results below! How close are you and your character personality-wise?

[Name:]

Name: Sinami Swifthowl
Alias: Sin, Sina, She-Wolf, Little Wolf, Wandering Wolf, Wild Wolf, Beloved Wolf, Sweet Wolf
Rank: Gosh'kar (Varog'gor candidate)

Age: 28
Gender: Female
Race: Orc
Clan: Frostwolf/Warsong
Class: Hunter, beastmaster
Alignment: Neutral Good

Family: Ullagvar Loneaxe (Father, deceased) , Raona Ironsong (Mother, deceased), Kozgugore Feraleye (mate), Therak Duskstalker (bloodbrother), Kogra Windwatcher (bloodsister), Trakmar Beastbane (bloodbrother), Frostfang (deceased), Ashensong (Garn)
Known Friends: Kogra Windwatcher, Trakmar Beastbane, Therak Duskstalker, Kozgugore Feraleye, Rhonya Steelheart, Srelok Grimtide, Kyrazha Throatrender, Oguur Redhand, Frostfang (deceased), Ashensong (Garn)
Known Enemies: None... so far.

Appearance:
Sinami is about average height for an orc female, but of a lean and sinewy build rather than bulky.
She is most often seen in leather and/or fur armour with a bow strapped to her back. Her armour is well worn, crookedly patched and mended in places. She wears a fur cloak that is in fact the hide of a light grey wolf, the head making up the hood and conveniently hiding her face, and especially her eyes, from view.

Her face is oval shaped with high cheekbones and a pointed chin. She wears her black hair loose, allowing it to tumble freely down over her shoulders. She has a few braids interwoven in the thick locks however and attached to one of the braids is a pair of feathers. Her eyes are almond shaped and their colour is a strange mix between light blue and amber.

She wears a large rylak claw on a leather thong around her neck.

Her arms and legs are crisscrossed with scars of all shapes and sizes, there is not one piece of skin unmarked by at least one scar.


Personality:
Orcs who don't know Sinami might describe her as shy, soft spoken, yet stubborn. Orcs who do know her might have gotten a completely different picture all together. After spending all her life in the wilds and having been turned away again and again Sinami is wary of letting other orcs too close. Her desperate need to belong is at constant war with her instinct of self preservation and as a compromise she usually ends up appearing shy and not very outspoken in company she doesn't know.

But when she is among friends she is talkative and quick to share laughs and jests. She still has a stubborn streak and when she ends up in a discussion whose topic she feels strongly about she'd rather stand up and leave than yield to another's opinions.

Her stubbornness derives from a need to prove herself, to prove that she has value and that she is worthy of belonging. If she is issued a challenge she will very rarely back down.

In her younger years she was quite the prankster and some of that has translated into her adult personality as well and one thing that is sure to amuse her is when she is allowed to play friendly pranks on her friends.

Sinami has confidence in her own abilities and takes great pride in how she's managed to survive on her own for so long. But she is still very insecure about her former blindness and the fact that most orcs saw that as a burden, while all she ever wanted was to belong. She will be fiercely defensive if someone even hints at it being a weakness somehow and she is deathly afraid to be turned away once again, like she has been so many times prior.

History:
Ullagvar Loneaxe was from the Warsong clan and after having met and fallen in love with him Raona Ironsong left her own clan, the Frostwolves, to live with him. A decision that would change their budding family's fate forever.

Sinami was born on Azeroth, a couple of years after the opening of the Dark Portal. When it became apparent that she ahd been born blind her parents feared for her fate. Ullagvar had been brought up on the Warsong ideals and beliefs; a blind child will at best be a hindrance and a burden and at worst a weakness and should be drowned at birth. But when he held his daughter in his arms for the first time he was overwhelmed with fatherly affection and protectiveness towards her. Perhaps Raona's influence and views had managed to soften his rigid Warsong beliefs over time and when the leaders of their part of the Warsong clan wanted to drown Sinami both Ullagvar and Raona refused to comply.
For that the whole family was banished and forced into exile.

The first years were difficult for the small family. Both Raona and Ullagvar were used to having a large clan to depend on and work together with, but suddenly they only had each other and their wolves... and they also had their blind daughter to take care of. It wasn't easy, but somehow they managed.

Being blind, and not having known anything else, Sinami was quick to adapt and figure out how to move around in the world without constant guidance. When she was old enough her father made her a small bow and taught her how to use it. It took a lot of practice before she became proficient in predicting distance and the winds enough to be able to hit anything, but being the stubborn she-orc that she is she refused to give up and kept at it.

When Sinami had just turned ten her mother's wolf had just given birth to a small litter of pups. One of the pups immediately attached himself to Sinami and once he was strong enough he followed her around everywhere she went. Raona rejoiced at this, saying to Ullagvar that the bond between their daughter and the wolf was evidence that they were one soul, divided into two different bodies.

But not long afterwards tragedy struck. A band of roaming humans happened upon their small camp one night and even though the orcs were caught unawares they put up a good fight. The wolf pup, now named Frostfang, dragged Sinami, kicking and screaming, away from the battlefield their camp had become and into the relative safety of the underbrush. After the humans had brutally cut down Raona, Ullagvar and their wolves they searched for Sinami and Frostfang, but were unable to find them. Eventually they left, leaving only smoking ruins and corpses behind.

Sinami and Frostfang stayed hidden for a long time, just to make sure the humans had really gone. But eventually they crept out of their hiding place and entered their ruined camp. Sinami's memories of what happened next are hazy and blurry at best. She remembers digging graves for her parents and their wolves, using her hands, and burying them. Then she and her wolf companion gathered what they could salvage from the ruins and left, never to come back to that place again.

The pair grew up, sheltered by the wilds, and their shared bond became stronger and stronger with each passing year. They learned how to work together as one and became quite effective hunters after a time. As she grew older Sinami begun to feel a longing to be with her own kind, to belong to a pack bigger than just her and Frostfang, and she began to seek out other groups of orcs. But while she didn't perceive her blindness as a problem or a weakness, other orcs were way more superstitious in their belief and she was turned away again and again. Sometimes she was asked to leave politely, but most of the time she was chased off with stones or weapons... sometimes the other orcs would even try to hunt her for sport, seeing her as weak and easy prey.

But the wilds protect and shelter their own and Sinami and Frostfang were able to disappear back into the safe haven of the wilds each time she had been rejected by her own kind. But while her heart was bruised, and sometimes broken, because of it, that longing and need to belong would eventually make itself known again and push her out of her seclusion. It was this longing and need that eventually made her cross paths with the Orcs of the Red Blade. 

Within the Red Blades Sinami found a new home and a new family. She gained a sister in Kogra Windwatcher and a brother in the form of Trakmar Beastbane, as well as a bunch of other friends, most notably Therak Duskstalker, Kozgugore Feraleye, Srelok Grimtide and Rhonya Steelheart. But despite her newfound home and place she still feels insecure and afraid, afraid to lose it all again at a moment's notice.

Eight months after encountering the tribe for the first time Sinami underwent a ritual that Rhonya had prepared for her, a ritual to grant her sight permanently. But the price for that sight ended up being much too high and if Sinami could have gone back and changed it she would have. But as it is she gained sight at the cost of Frostfang's life, a sacrifice the wolf was willing to make, but it is something Sinami can't yet forgive herself for just yet. She is in deep mourning at present and has failed to realize that her spirit and Frostfang's are now merged, that he lives on inside of her, sharing her body. Only time will make that clear.

Sinami is still grieving for Frostfang, and she most likely will for the rest of her days, but she has a small family to love and take care of now. She has found her lifemate in Chieftain Feraleye and Feralye's worg Shrewd and Sinami's garn Ashensong have four cubs, marking the beginning of a small pack within the bigger pack that is the Red Blade clan.

Things you may know about this character:

• She prefers the company of animals over that of other orcs.
• She likes to keep her face and eyes covered from view.
• She gets really uneasy in large crowds.
• She has very sensitive ears and loud noises is a no-go.
• She has a desperate need to belong somewhere.

Things you may not know about this character:

• She loves, and has a special affinity for, water.
• She's heard the call of the wilds ever since she was a small child, not knowing what it was.
• She fears having her heart broken as well as being alone again.
• She likes to sing and has a deep and smooth contra alto voice.
• She collects books and has a deep respect for knowledge.
• She is -extremely- stubborn and opinionated, something that tends to get her in trouble.
• Hates humans with a passion.

Spoiler: Gallery • show

Spoiler: Sinami's view of some of the others • show

Spoiler: "Orcs of the Red Blade" • show

The first group of orcs who hasn't chased her away, for which she is very grateful. She is very happy that they accepted her into their community with more or less open arms and she is proud to call herself one of them.

Spoiler: "Kozgugore Feraleye" • show

They are both incredibly stubborn and firm in their beliefs, and when all that stubborness and those beliefs clash there is bound to be sparks. Their initial headbutting was thankfully resolved as a missunderstanding and they managed to leave any hurt feelings behind them. Sinami isn't quite sure of how or when it happened, but her feelings towards Kozgugore took a sharp turn and landed her in a heap of feelings so strong it takes her breath away. She's still trying to come to terms with these feelings and what they will mean for her future, but for now all she knows is that she doesn't want to be parted from this orc if she can help it.

Spoiler: "Kogra Windwatcher "Frostwolf" " • show

Sinami liked Frostwolf right from the start. She finds her to be kind and easygoing and she values the friendship the other she-orc has offered her very highly. Frostwolf is one of the first real friends Sinami has ever made and when Frostwolf asked her to make a bloodoath to become her sister in blood Sinami didn't hesitate for one moment. Having gained Frostwolf as a sister, and thus regained a semblance of family, is one of the best things that has ever happened to Sinami and she still can't quite believe that it is real.

Spoiler: "Oguur Redhand" • show

Oguur has lived in the wilds, just like Sinami. Oguur doesn't like to stay inside camps, just like Sinami. Oguur is wary of other orcs, just like Sinami. They may be very different in personality, but they come from similar backgrounds and Sinami feels that this grants a sense of kinship. Oguur was the first real friend Sinami made aside from Frostfang, and just as with Frostwolf she values that friendship highly.

Spoiler: "Rhonya Steelheart" • show

Sinami likes this kindhearted she-orc and she also thinks that Rhonya needs to add some more steel to that backbone of hers, not just her heart. She is also happy about their newly forged friendship and the knowledge that Rhonya feels comfortable enough around her to unburden her heart sometimes... the ancestors knows Steelheart needs it!

Spoiler: "Therak Duskstalker" • show

Sinami views this orc as one of her closest friends. He was one of the first orcs to ever show her kindness and she's grown increasingly comfortable in his presence and feels like she can talk to him about almost anything.

Spoiler: "Trakmar Beastbane" • show

Trakmar is yet another of Sinami's best friends. They share a lot of the same views and interests and she's always found him to be a comforting presence. She is a little sad, however, that she can't return his affections in the manner he might wish. She holds nothing but brotherly love for him, whereas his feelings towards her are anything but brotherly.

Spoiler: "Kyrazha Throatrender "Cat" " • show

Sinami is pretty curious about this orc that smells like trolls and cats. She seems to have a rather interesting sense of humour, and she talks funny too... but her direhorn cub is a nice playmate for Frostfang.

Spoiler: "Sadok Sharptongue" • show

She's not exactly sure where she stands with Sadok. He was her tutor during her Newblood training and she got the impression that he was less than impressed with her at times, but despite his incredibly prickly nature she can't help but like him a little... at least it is fun to tease him and have Frostfang sit on him.

Spoiler: "Srelok Grimtide" • show

Sinami's recently begun spending some time with this orc and she's found that she likes his company. That he's an empath doesn't really bother her, since she suspects that his ability to feel others' emotions is far more disturbing to him than it could ever be to her. She's also a little intrigued that he comes to her with some of his problems, but she does value the trust he's placing in her by voicing his concerns to her.

Spoiler: "Mayabi "Sungrass" " • show

Sinami will be forever thankful for whatever force sent Sungrass her way. She doesn't know the troll at all, but Sungrass still offered to help her regain her sight temporarily... a gift that was beyond precious to Sinami and she will do anything in her power to help Sungrass, should the female troll ever need it.

Spoiler: "Rargnasha Bloodmark" • show

Sinami did NOT get along with the former Chieftain of the Red Blades in the beginning. The two of them are quite similar and that resulted in them rubbing against each other the completely wrong way. But they eventually managed to solve their initial conflict and realised that they had more in common than either of them had thought. There was some interest from both sides initially, but Sinami didn't feel ready to commit and when she came back from some time away Rargnasha had left the tribe on business of his own. Somewhat relieved that she wouldn't have to deal with it immediately Sinami moved on, and hopes that they can just go back to being friends if he comes back.

Stories:

• Waters of Change
• Out of the Ashes and Into the Fire
• Savage Spirits
• A New Name
• In Memoriam - Farewell to a beloved friend
• Nightmares
• Not Strong Enough
• Betrayal
• Adrift

Tonight was the night I had been anticipating for as long as I had first heard my parents tell of it. Tonight was the rite of Om'riggor, the ritual hunt and passage into adulthood. Of course, I had been an adult for years and hunted prey on my own long before that, but it was still a rite of passage... a rite of belonging, and I wanted to do it. It would cement my place within the tribe even further and make me belong for real... or so I hoped at least.

For my hunt I decided to go east of camp and down a talbulk, since I'd never seen the point in hunting something for sport only. I'd rather hunt something I could get a lot of use and benefit out of. Pelts, meat, horns, hooves, and to some degree intestines, were all things that I could use in some way or another.

I had studied the talbulks of Nagrand for the past few weeks and I'd come to know their habits and favourite places for grazing fairly well by now. I knew they favoured the grassy slopes by the large canyon, so that's where I went. The grass was high enough to hide me from view and when I arrived at the canyon the talbulks were grazing peacefully, and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as I possibly could. As I moved around them I took great care to move downwind, lest they'd catch my scent and scatter.

Since I didn't have Frostfang with me I couldn't use him to single out one of them, so I'd just have to wait for one of them to stray a little bit away from the rest of the herd. I found a large tree close to the grazing beasts and sat down to wait, the bow across my lap. What I hadn't counted on, however, was the fact that I wasn't the only predator out hunting tonight... nor had I counted on the fact that I could be seen as prey...

I caught the sharp scent of cat seconds before it sprung on me and I managed to roll aside and avoid being impaled by its claws. The beast hissed and followed and I spared a fleeting thought to the fact that it seemed to move more like a humanoid being than a cat before I had to concentrate on surviving.

I am not at my best when I have to fight an enemy in hand to hand combat, so at first I was mostly trying to defend myself against whatever creature was attacking me and try to keep from dying. It smelled like a cat, had fur like a cat and from what I could feel its features was definitely feline in origin as well, but it's movements and limbs were more reminiscent of a humanoid, which served to confuse me greatly. The creature had the advantage of surprise and it managed to rake me with its claws a few times before I finally got one of my hands free and grabbed one of my arrows. I could feel the creature's hot and putrid breath against my cheek and in a wild, and somewhat panicked move, I raised my hand and stabbed it with my arrow.

The creature howled in agony and thrashed against me, indicating that my arrow had hit somewhere and hard enough to hurt, and then it suddenly went still. I crawled out from underneath the corpse and upon closer inspection I realised that I had managed, by pure luck, to stab the thing through the eye and into its brain.

Not quite believing my own luck I thought about how to proceed. The talbulks had long since fled, the noise from the fight, as well as the smell of blood, had scared them off. I wasn't exactly in the best shape to continue hunting anyway, the gashes from the creature's claws along my leg and arm were painful and I could feel the blood slowly oozing out and trickling over my skin. I rummaged through my pack for bandages and did a hasty job of patching myself up, pondering my next move. I might not have felled the prey I had first intended, but I did have a kill to bring back with me all the same... and perhaps someone back at camp could tell me what manner of creature I had battled.

It took some effort before I finally managed to lift the creature up and secure it over my back and then began the painful trek back to camp.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat a bit away from the others, poking at my newly bandaged wounds. The blood loss made my hands tremble and my legs feel weak. I had left a clear trail of my own blood back to camp, but it was either that or fail my hunt...and the last one was unthinkable. I listened absentmindedly to what was going on around me, but all the different voices and scents were overwhelming my senses and I couldn't focus for long enough to actually hear what was being said. The other hunters told their stories and once they were done it was time for the last part of the ritual: the name giving. I shook my head to clear it and forced myself to pay attention... this was the most important part after all, at least it was for me.

"... It is by this act that you have shown yourself capable of dispatching your foe with swift accuracy. Just as swift as you appear able to befriend orcs here in this tribe, and are capable of becoming a part of this pack."
The words made my breath catch and filled my heart with a pleasant warmth. Warmth towards all the orcs gathered around the fire, this tribe, my new home. It had finally begun to sink in; I actually had a place here, they didn't mind me being here with them, being a part of their pack.

" So it is this night that we recognise your agility and swiftness, not only around campfires, but in the hunt as well. Be it at the campfire or in the hunt, you are most welcome to both, Sinami Swifthowl!"
I could feel tears well up in my eyes and I quickly brushed them away, more pleased than ever that my hood hid my face and expression from view. Swifthowl... the name echoed inside my head and made me giddy with pleasure and my heart felt like bursting. I felt like running a thousand miles and howl towards the moon in joy. Swifthowl. It felt so right, it felt like... me.

Alright, so... I am going to be in Copenhagen next weekend and Therak and I got to talking about meeting up. This generated some interest from our other resident danes, so I thought we could discuss and make plans in here. I have an audition in the morning on the 7th, but I should be free in the afternoon... so, the rest of you, is the afternoon on the 7th of march do:able for you? Once we have decided on a date and time we can go ahead and discuss what to do.


Primary meetup place is the central station, since that's easy to find for us non-danes. ^^

Edit:
Date: 7th of March
Time: 15:00
Place: Copenhagen central station, under the large clock
Official language: English
Who is comming: Sinami, Therak, Kargnar, Rashka, Vraxxar and maybe Grokul.

[Part I]

So, during the christmas holidays Trakmar and I decided to do a story together. This is in part the reason for our absence during the holidays, and in part the reason for Sinami's continued absence. I will post the story in several parts as I finish them. I hope you'll like it!

Part I

It was a few minutes after dawn. The sun had barely risen above the horizon, but I could feel the first faint rays of warmth tickle my neck as I made my way towards the outpost. I'd always loved dawn, those few precious moments when everything is completely still and quiet, as if the whole world is holding its breath until the sun peeks above the horizon. Today was no different. I took a deep breath, savouring the sensation of the burning cold air. Today promised to be a good day for hiking, which was exactly what I was supposed to be doing... if only Trakmar could deign to show up. I sniffed the air around me, but when I didn't manage to catch his scent anywhere close I decided to just sit down and wait for him. I plonked myself down, rather gracelessly, in the snow with my back resting against the palisade behind me, my face tilted up towards the sun. Frostfang heaved a great sigh and settled down beside me, his warm presence a lovely comfort that only added to my feeling of joy and contentment.

We didn't have to wait long until we both heard the sound of footsteps crunching through the snow behind us. Seconds later Trakmar's scent reached my nostrils and I pushed myself up to my feet, grumbling a little about him being late.
"You have everythin' y'will need?" Trakmar was the no nonsense sort of orc, and I guessed simple niceties like greetings wasn't all that important when bigger things were in store... like befriending a Garn! In short, he was an orc after my own heart.
"Ah. There you are! Yes, I think so... got enough supplies to last us for a while. Are you ready to leave then?"
"Aye, I be ready. Let's move."
"Alright. Perfect. Also, Bloodmark said he would be dropping by in a few days... hope you don't mind?"
"Aye, that be fine."

I tilted my head as I thought I heard something in his voice... something off... or perhaps teasing. It was hard to judge.
"What was that I heard in your voice, or did I just imagine it?" I figured I could just call him out on it... though either he was just playing coy with me or I really -had- just imagined things, because Trakmar was giving me nothing... except his usual grunting grumpiness that is.
"Heard what?"
"Not sure exactly what it was... but it was -something-."
"Hrm. Must be your imagination then."
"Right... I don't think so... anyway... this trip is about trying to befriend a Garn, right... so, I guess we'll need some sort of plan... or should we just wing it?"

The landscape around us was almost completely still, except for a few whirls of snow the gentle wind managed to stir up around us. I could feel the light caresses of the snow whirls against my cheek and I lengthened my stride, sighing happily. Being embraced and caressed by wind and water (albeit frozen water in this instance) always served to lift my spirits... and since they were high already, I almost felt like bouncing along in the snow. I quickly disregarded that idea however and settled for just walking along with a new lightness of step.

I tilted my head as I waited for Trakmar's answer and judging by the tone of his voice when he finally did speak, he was in pretty high spirits himself.
"We'll need a plan no doubt. First and foremost, gettin' a wolf t'notice each of us without alerting the pack. And withough gettin' the pack to chase us." Trakmar sounded almost gleeful at the prospect and I couldn't help but snort softly in response.
"Well, that is indeed a challenge... hrm... I guess we'd better get there first and get a good sniff, and look in your case, at the place and decide how to proceed from there. We might have to watch them for a few days, learn their pack behaviour and pecking order and stuff like that. I think it might be easier to gain the attention of a lower ranked pack member than a higher ranking one... at least without attracting the attention of the rest of the pack."
"Aye. There we agree. Getting the attention of  a younger wolf, or an outsider of the pack be the best bet."
"Mhrm. We have the beginning of a some sort of plan at least, always something."

A faint howl on the wind made me stop dead in my tracks. I could feel Frostfang tensing up beside me and moments later another howl could be heard... this time much closer to us. I shivered slightly, both from anticipation and a healthy dose of fear, and smiled. The Garn sure had beautiful voices... to have one of them as a friend... what lovely music we could make together. But now was not the time to think about such things. The Garn knew we were there and they were warning us off their territory. For our sakes, I hoped it was just that... a warning, and nothing else. It would be a shame to have to turn tail and run back already... but some strategic backtracking might be a good plan.

Trakmar voiced my thoughts aloud and in accord with one another we made our way back a little, searching for a good place to make camp.
"Damn, the Garn's senses are keen. We've barely gotten close to their valley and still they sensed us. This is going to be a true test of determination and skill, are you sure you're up for it?"
I turned my head in Trakmar's direction and flashed him a cheeky grin. Trakmar let out a humoured snort in response and patted my shoulder companionably.
"Aye, I be. The question be if you truly be ready. You be barely of age for om'riggor. Besides, if I prove to not be and get wounded, good luck carrying me back."
I feigned offence at his comment and presented him with one of my best snarls.
"Of course I am... and so what if I haven't had my Om'riggor yet? What does that have to do with anything? Befriending a wolf is a thing between me and the wolf, not something to prove my worth to someone else, or to prove that I am an adult for that matter... since, admittedly, the idea to befriend a Garn is bordering on recklessly childish."
I playfully swatted at his hand on my shoulder, keeping my voice light and teasing.
"Carry? Who said anything about carrying you back? You'll be lucky if I manage to drag you back with me... so you'd better not end up hurt."
Trakmar just chuckled at my antics and patted my shoulder once more before removing his hand.
"Never said this be about provin' anything. T'was a joke. And do not worry about me gettin' hurt.  Save that worry f'any Garn that might attack us."

Ahem... I realised I hadn't posted my "through the portal story" in here yet... oops... well, here it is. It's short and sort of incomplete, but anyway... enjoy!

If someone had told me a couple of months ago that I would be partaking in a desperate battle to save the world I would have laughed and considered them crazy. That I would also be partaking in a suicide mission to the other side of the Dark Portal would have been so far away from my reality that I probably wouldn't even have been able to comprehend the thought. But here I was, about to rush headfirst into the jaws of chaos and death and without a thought to turn back. My meditation the night before had helped in calming my fear and as I stood together with Frostfang I felt almost eager and excited. It was the same kind of thrill that would surge through me during a hunt and since that was a far more pleasant feeling than the icy grip of fear I decided to succumb to it completely. Stupid, I know, but what else what I supposed to do? At least the thrill of the hunt would give me a much needed boost of adrenaline and perhaps that would help me get through the initial assault on the portal, and not die of fright on the spot.

As the call for battle sounded I rushed forward with everyone else, trying to stay within the pack as I had promised that I would do. My feet beat against the ground in a steady rhythm and Frostfang's panting breaths beside me were easy enough to pick out at first... but as we came closer and closer to the portal the excitement in the air around me heightened to uncontrollable levels and as everyone surged forward I found myself being jostled and pushed again and again. The scents of smoke, fire and gunpowder burned my nose and made my eyes water... and the noise... never, in all my life, have I been able to imagine something like that. The metallic ringing of swords, the piercing shrieks of projectiles of some kind flying past, the blasts of guns and canons, the roars of rage and the cries of anguish and pain. The sound was deafening and pain began to spread like a fine net from the area around my ears, up to my temples, eye sockets and forehead.  The net of pain soon turned into complete agony and all my other senses were dulled as the pain became my sole focus. It was distracting enough that I stopped dead in my tracks for a moment, which only resulted in me losing my balance as someone behind me pushed past and I fell to my knees. But I barely even noticed. All I could think about was to stuff something in my ears and clutch my head to keep it from bursting.

But I had no time or opportunity to do either. Someone grabbed me and forcefully hauled me to my feet, yelling into my already painfully sensitive ear: "Forward!"
I had no choice. I ran. There was no grace in my movements and I only had one thought chasing around inside my head: "Keep going... keep going... keep going..." I held on to Frostfang and pushed onwards at a stumbling and panicked run. I trusted Frostfang to guide me, since my own senses were of little use to me in the chaos that surrounded us. I couldn't even make out the scents and sounds of Frostwolf or Bloodmark anymore. I had lost them. A part of me screamed in panicked fright at that, but since I was already far beyond scared I paid that voice no heed. I couldn't afford to be distracted again and luckily instinct kicked in at that moment, my sole focus reverting back to the same one I had lived by for the past fifteen years: survival.

My flight across the battlefield and through the portal is still a blur, but by some miracle I managed to survive and get through... only to be greeted by an even worse clamour than the one I had just left behind. The battle on the other side of the portal seemed, if possible, even more frenzied to me and my ears were ringing alarmingly. Through the din I thought I heard a faint "For the blood of the tribe!" and I started to manoeuvre my way towards whomever had yelled it... only problem being that there was a rather large army between me and my destination.

Some of you may know that I am studying for my bachelor's degree in classical music, with vocals as my instrument. I realize that this thread is shameless self promotion, but since I -want- to share my music and what I do with the rest of the world, why not in here as well? ^^

We had a concert in school today and it went really, really well and it was such a joy to perform. I recorded the whole thing and will eventually put up the two arias that I sang on my soundcloud, but for now only the first one is there. It's my favourite aria of all time and I love to sing it, so I really hope you'll like it too! Enjoy!

https://soundcloud.com/cecilia-kamf/didos-lament

...and for those of you who are interested, I do have a website where I have gathered most of my music and videos. Both classical, crossover and metal. ^^
http://www.ceciliamezzo.se/

[This takes place the night before the assault on the Dark Portal. Just some of Sinami's thoughts.]

This takes place the night before the assault on the Dark Portal. Just some of Sinami's thoughts.

I couldn't sleep. The ancestors knows I honestly did try, but none of my usual tricks were working. I had moved away a bit further from camp, so I wouldn't disturb Frostwolf in her sleep. Frostfang was with me, as always, and we sat in companionable silence, like we'd done a thousand times before - my head resting against his shoulder and his warmth and steady heartbeat giving me a sense of comfort that nothing else could. I had closed my eyes, since even though I couldn't see, the sensation of getting sand in my eyes was still decidedly unpleasant, sometimes even painful, and the winds where howling like a pack of wolves tonight, whipping up dust and sand all around me.

I had chosen this exposed place on purpose, it was quite high up and far away from what I could tell, because I needed time to myself, time to think, and I always thought better when I could feel the elements all around me. I may not be able to hear them in the same sense as Oguur or Frostwolf, but the messages they conveyed to me were clear enough. The winds howled and screamed about freedom... that I should take this one chance and flee, remain free, unbound and unbroken. I couldn't help but listen, as I always had, but I knew I couldn't heed their message... not this time.

The earth beneath me and the rocks behind me rumbled about courage. I would need plenty of it if I hoped to be able to follow my sister and my friends into the chaos that awaited us all tomorrow. Tomorrow I would face one of my greatest challenges and my worst nightmares all at once, and if I hoped to prevail, to stay alive long enough to see Frostwolf and my friends safely to the other side I would need the tenacity and the courage to endure.

Despite the heat I could feel myself shivering and Frostfang pressed a little closer to me, attempting to calm the panic that was beginning to rise with alarming speed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder, embracing him in a choke-hold hug. If all the rumours and all I had heard said about tomorrow was true both of us would most likely die. Some might make it beyond the portal, but I held no illusions about our chances. If Frostfang had gone as a companion to someone else he might have been able to make it, but since I was so dependent on him for my own survival I would slow us both down and by doing so I would most likely seal our fate. But I couldn't leave him behind either. Aside from the fact that he was dearer to me than anything else in this world, having him with me was a chance at survival. It was a small ray of hope, granted, a sliver of a chance... but it was real, and I would hold on to that with everything in me.

Going through the portal and potentially losing -everything- a second time was frightening beyond words and the pain the mere thought of it created almost made my heart stop beating. A few months ago I had had nothing, been no-one. Just a lonely wanderer without family, home or a place in the world. Now I suddenly had all of those things and they were the most amazing gifts anyone had ever given me. I thanked the ancestors every day for sending me on the path that led me to the Red Blades. By encountering them I had met several wonderful orcs and even though I might not know all of them very well, the relationships I had, or had begun forming, with them were still precious to me.

Oguur, the first friend, aside from Frostfang, that I had ever made. Rhonya, who reminded me a little of my mother with her kind heart and spirit of steel. Therak with his calm acceptance and the effort he made to include me right from the start. Axenheart, who had appeared so gruff and harsh at first but seemed to host a rather sensitive spirit beneath the surface. Bloodmark, who had offered me a place in the Tribe and kept nagging me about it until I finally gave in... and for that I would be forever thankful. Cat, with her open-mindedness and interesting insight in troll culture, something I knew next to nothing about. Trakmar with his engaging stories of his homeclan. Sadok, who was fun to tease and had unexpectedly agreed to tutor me without me actually asking him to. And then there was Frostwolf. My bloodsister. My family. My kin. Precious, all of them.

And it was because of them that I was going. If I was going to die I might as well do it with orcs I cared about all around me rather than cold an alone in the wilds somewhere. And if I could prevent any of them dying by being there, I would gladly do so. Bloodmark had suggested that it was love that drove me and gave me the courage I needed to follow through the portal, and maybe he was right. I didn't quite know, myself... but the heat and the fire that danced on the wind, burning my throat with every breath, seemed to roar the same message and as I listened it became increasingly harder to find another explanation.

I released Frostfang from my death-grip and leaned back against the rock, listening to the ocean crashing against the cliffs far below me. I had always had a certain fascination and affinity with water and I found I was always more inclined to listen to that particular element and its call than I would any of the others. The dancing and foaming waves sang of change. Whatever happened tomorrow would change the world, for better or for worse... but the change to my own world had begun further back than that. I was naturally cautious towards change, since change usually presented a certain amount of danger, but as I continued to listen to the haunting song of the waters I realized that I would have to change too if I hoped to survive in the coming days. I didn't know how yet, I just knew I would have to... and that the waters would wash away my old self and replace it with something new.

The waters helped drain away some of my fear and pain and I relaxed a little bit more fully against Frostfang. There was no use in worrying about tomorrow. Change would come, whether I wanted to or not... I would just have to remember to allow myself to be swept up in it.

[Name:]

Name: Sinami
Class: Hunter
Level: 90


Tell us something about your (role)playing experience:
I have been playing, as well as roleplaying in, WoW on and off since 2005 or 2006... so for almost 10 years now (sheesh, I feel old!). My main is a nightelf hunter (has been my one and only main throughout all my years in WoW!) and I've been a member of the Order of Nature's Grasp since 2010, having filled the roles of both senior, officer and co-leader in the past. I also do play-by-post forum roleplay based on one of my favourite book series of all time and I have been doing that for... oh, I don't know? 6 years or so, give or take. I've never roleplayed an orc before though, so I thought I might try it out (Rarg orc-napped me!! >.<).

And finally, please write a short story and/or IC introduction about your character:

The pack. Family. Companionship. Home. What am I without the pack? Nothing. The pack is the centre, everything else revolves around it. Lose your pack and you lose everything. But where does that leave me? My family is dead, slain by hunters of human origin. I have no place to call home, I have no purpose, I have nothing. Other packs shun me. They see me as weak, cursed or as prey to be hunted. But I am not weak.

I should have been drowned at birth, since a blind cub is a useless cub and will not be able to contribute to the wellbeing of the rest of the pack. You cull the weak, annihilate them completely. They cannot be allowed to pollute the bloodline of the pack. But my parents saved me from that fate. They refused to drown me and we were cast out.

I was ten when my parents were taken from me. I should have died then. A blind cub shouldn't be able to survive in the wilds on her own. But I did. Life and death has a different meaning in the wilds. It's more tangible, more real. And I was not ready to die. So I learned how to adapt, how to survive. I proved that I was, in fact, not weak.

I have been wandering the wilds since then, tracing my ancestry on my mother's side of the family as well as seeking a place to call home. Seeking a pack who will be able to look beyond my physical appearance and see me for who I am, for what I can do.

((OOC character info: 
(because I couldn't fit it into my storysnippet without ruining the flow)
25 years old, her mother came from the Frostwolf clan and her father from the Warsong clan. They lived with the Warsong clan though, hence the whole drowning incident thing. And I think that should be sufficient, but let me know if I've missed anything. Orc lore is, after all, completely unchartered territory for me.))