Funny stuff

[Claws]

You know you're Swiss if...



1. you complain if your bus/train/tram is more than 5 minutes late. Make that 1 minute
2. you've ever been confused with a Swede
3. you laugh when Americans believe that Swiss Miss is a Swiss product, but then have no clue that Nestlé and Rolex ARE
4. you get frustrated if you go grocery shopping abroad and there aren't at least 10 different kinds of chocolate and 15 kinds of cheese available
5. you have learned three to four languages and think this is completely normal
6. you have ever been asked - upon stating your nationality - whether you live in the mountains and whether you can yodel
7. you can pronounce "Chuchichäschtli" and you know what it means
8. you have ever been asked who the president of Switzerland is and then failed miserably trying to explain why you've lost track
9. you know what "Röschti" are and you have crossed the "Röschtigrabe" at some point
10. you went to a state-funded ski camp every year with your classmates in high school
11. to you, skis are like the extensions of your feet, because you've skied since you could walk
12. you are amused when people ask you what language is spoken in your home country and/or you have to explain that "Swiss" is not a language, that there are four national languages and none of them is called "Swiss"!
13. you owned a Swatch growing up... or still do
14. you've ever seen "Sandmännchen" dubbed into Romansch
15. as a female, you give all your friends three kisses on the cheeks as a greeting
16. you love Migros and you swear that some of their products are better than anything you've ever seen elsewhere
17. you've ever been asked by your non-Swiss friends to intervene in a fight and used "hey, I'm Swiss" as an excuse not to
18. your country has six different public television channels in three different languages - and you don't think this is unusual
19. you get amused when you see Swiss German people being subtitled on German television
20. you firmly believe it is more important to do things accurately than to do them quickly
21. you were legally allowed to drink beer and wine at the age of sixteen
22. you walked to kindergarten without supervision, wearing a large orange triangle around your neck
23. you think it's normal that everyone has a bunker underneath their house, or is registered for one of the public bunkers under the school building, for emergency situations... by the way, here's a fun thing to do: invite over some of your foreign friends (Americans make very good candidates) and take a picture of the look on their face when they SEE the bunker. Priceless!
24. when being asked to explain how certain things work in your country, you have to use the phrase "it differs for each canton, so..."
25. you are asked to vote on a "Referendum" or "Initiative" at least 3 or 4 times a year
26. you are used to drinking from any public fountain in the street unless there is a warning sign that says "no drinking water"
27. you grew up believing all cows must wear bells
28. you think that driving somewhere for four hours is a hell of a long time
29. you get slightly irritated or at least confused if your foreign visitors ask to see a chocolate factory
30. you know what Betty Bossi books and products are and have bought one
31. you know someone that collects the tin foil lids from coffee cream tubs
32. you don't see where the problem is when every male citizen who has been to the army has an assault rifle under his bed
33. you have to pay twice the price for museum entries because you're not a citizen of the EU, although you live in Europe!
34. you are in a non-European country and can hear people talking Swiss German and just go up and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger
35. no matter how much of a "bad-ass" you think you are, you will still pick up your candy wrapper off the floor if an old lady asks you too
36. you think everything is cheap abroad compared to Swiss prices!

[Claws]

Internet Addiction Test (IAT)

http://www.netaddiction.com/resources/internet_addiction_test.htm

What was your score?

[Nergul]

har, i had seven of them things with the swiss stuff

[Ugluhk]

Claws, 48. Average user

[Claws]

Umm. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKzHEqnfdfI

[Greggar]

... I did not expect that...

[Loial]

 

[Ugluhk]

wow....

[Claws]

Grizzly Bear Warning Sign.

And Road kill Restaurant nice Possum with smear of dear. 

[Ugluhk]

nomnomnomnom

[Loial]

seriously, i would like to try that restaurant! xD

[Claws]

The Parrot is Dead

At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the
caretaker at your country house.'

'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'

'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'

'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'

'Si, Senor, that's the one.'

'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'

'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'

'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'

'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. '

'Dead horse? What dead horse?'

'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'

'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'

'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'

'Are you insane?? What water cart?'

'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'

'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'

'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'

'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed
because of a candle??!!'

'Yes, Senor Rod.'

'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'

'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'

'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'

'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I
thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Taylor Made
Super Quad 460 golf club.'

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE..........

'Ernesto, if you broke that golf club, you're in deep trouble !!'




DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to
go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under
the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.'

'Oh, by the way don't worry about Spike, my bulldog. He won't bother you. But,
whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'


'I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'


When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just
as she said, the dog simply lay quietly on the carpet watching the repairman
go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with its incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain
himself any longer and yelled,

'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

. . and the parrot said, 'Get him, Spike!'

[Ugluhk]

haha! Now I only wonder one thing...where do you get them all Claws???

[Claws]

Tech Support: "What version of Windows do you have installed?"
Customer: "... Double glazed."

[Nazhra Stormwolf]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdhygTXzMo0