Alone

[Srelok]

I glared out over the water from the top of the guard tower. There was a veil of negativity here, But low-key enough that I could easily tune it out. The wind whispered around me, playing with my braids.
Let it all go.. You need not walk around with this pain all by yourself.. It's not like I actually heard the words, but the effect was the same. The spirit of wind was whispering to me. I drew a blanket around me, wincing as I again felt the bruised rib protest. Bloodpaw had done a number on me, even though I'd somehow won the fight.

I looked down at the water. The spirit of life, of purity, of renewal. It could not help me through this conflict. What I'd almost done was just wrong. I could never betray my brother in such a way, but neither could I abandon Vanara. She needed a friend now more then ever... The decision I'd made in the end felt like a mistake too.

And then there was Sinami. How could I handle that situation, is it had been dragging on seemingly since we'd met... And the way it was going things might actually escalate. Way to go, Srelok. That's two females belonging to other males. One's my blood brother, the other my chieftain.. I found myself wishing for easier times. Like before I joined the tribe and was only responsible for myself.
You don't have to be alone in carrying the burdens, shaman. The winds softly whispered these feelings into my ear, reminding me of Sadok and Rhonya. My mentors, for now. If all went well, at least my cousin would be my equal. Even more responsibilities... At any other day I'd relish them. Tonight, alone in the dark in what Rhonya had jokingly called the Grimtower (really? I'd have expected a lame pun like that from Sadok) the doubts kept on nagging at my mind.

Slowly, I became aware of another presence around me, one I'd felt before but never really connected to. Only Devilstep's prayer beads enabled me to truly communicate with it. Everything around me heated up at its attention, a towering rage unlike anything I'd ever experienced.
Pathetic little shaman. Where's your passion, where is your fire? I know it's in you, it enabled you to take on that warrior bare-handed. That was truly a moment I was proud of you! A rumbling laugh sounded in my mind. And now it's gone again. How will you perform your task now? How are you going to fight the broken trying to destroy this realm when you're so conflicted and extuinguished? the air heated up even more, sensing like I was being burned alive.
I will help you, that's how. I'll give you the backbone you need, but don't truly deserve... And with that, the spirit left me alone, shivering in the dark..

[Okiba]

Great little story, showing Sreloks inner conflicts.

Looking forward to reading more!

[Vanara]

Agreed, more of this!

[Srelok]

I stared at the elevators of Thunder Bluff. Perhaps longingly, though I wasn't planning on returning soon. The tempest of emotion raging inside me wasn't going to allow me. That may have been the stupidest thing I ever did...
Never mind that I probably destroyed any chance to ever build up a proper working relation with feraleye, I may have just destroyed my last chance for happiness with Swifthowl. However, so be it. That was my intent to begin with...
What I really hated was what it had taken. I hated manipulating her, causing her heart to break, even though it had to be done. The ritual I'd talked of, even though total kodocrap, was all I had to convince her to stay with Feraleye. When she refused that, I could only walk away. Feraleye showing up right at that moment really didn't help... I realised I never should have snarled at him, but he really shouldn't have tried to stop me walking away.
And walking away while sinami's heart and mind were breaking wasn't just the stupidest but also the hardest thing I'd ever forced myself to do, even though all I wanted was to hold and comfort her. The way she was feeling was horrid... The combination of loss, grief and longing she was projecting was almost crippling...
When Ashveil followed me to the Thunder Bluff elevators my day was just about complete. I could sense her jealousy even though she honestly just wanted to talk. Her blaming Sinami for the situation wasn't exactly what I needed to hear though..

So now I was sitting in the wilds of Mulgore, alone.. Everything had been taken from me now, apart from my bond with the elements. Wind whispered in my ear, playing with my braided hair and beard in an attempt to cheer me. Normally that would do the trick, but today it just wouldn't do anything.
I looked up at the sky, watching the air slowly going darker. As night began to settle in, I finally allowed my own anguish to the fore, tears welling up as I wallowed in self-pity.
I couldn't remember how long I'd been sitting there on this little hill, crying my eyes out by the time it stopped. Not like it actually made me feel better though, but I guess that was the point.
Misery.
I was fully aware that misery was my lot in life, That I would never again be free to laugh and just be carefree. That belonged to another Srelok. One that had died when I walked away from the love of my life. Now there was only Grimtide.
Eventually I'd return to the tribe, but I wasn't sure when or whatever. I had my responsibilies as Thur'ruk that I couldn't forego. But they couldn't expect me to join their little party-games any longer. It was no longer in me...

[Okiba]

</3 

Good stuff, want more cheesecake!

[Srelok]

Funny how some distance can be all that's needed to put things in perspective.
I sat by a waterfall near the coast of the Gizzly Hills, the little raptor asleep in my lap. A moon shone brightly overhead, and a soft rustly sound behind me reminded me of Azguh sleeping nearby. Funny how something as simple as a friend taking you away for a while could do so much for a damaged mind...
She'd shown up a few days ago, while I was being miserable just outside Conquest Hold. She'd basically pulled me along for a hunt, saying we'd be back in a few days to a week. We never found out if anyone saw us lave. Neither did we particularly care...

Those days were spent with just the two of us, hunting, talking at night. She was a remarkably insightful female, though that might have to do with her being twice my age... She put me at ease about a few things very quickly, reminding me of the simple things in life.
The weight of a weapon in your hand as you stalk your prey.
The simple comfort of having someone near at night. Not even talking or touching, just... there.
Sleeping under the stars..
Raising a raptor hatchling. She had tips for that too.

The warp stalker that followed her around was staring at me again. Seems it liked doing that.  I was used to it by now,  really. I tossed it some meat, though it just ignored it and kept staring.
Well, fine.
Another rustle as Azguh moved in her sleep. I found myself wondering what she dreamt of. I never touched her without permission, but I found myself wondering lately, if I did, what would her dreams feel like? Would they be different from a fullblood orc? Or would it just be like all others? By now I had to admit to still being intrigued by her, even though my last attempt at courting had failed so miserably...

I looked out over the bay again, absently stroking the little raptor's head. The water seemed so calm in the darkness. It soothed my still-raw emotionscape to just sit here and watch.
So peaceful...

Eventually we'd have to return to the tribe though, or at least I'd have to. And she'd get new orders, taking her far away again.
I wasn't sure I wanted her to leave though....

[Okiba]

MOAR!

[Srelok]

"Right, lets get this done..."
I knelt by the fire in my little camp, dressed only in a loincloth. all the scars on my body were thus revealed, something I figured she might enjoy. If I were right in my assumptions.
Candles were lit around me, a small offering bowl collecting the blood I'd drawn from myself.
Funny how easy it was to carve into myself these days.
I picked up the first of three dagger-like pins, examining it a moment. Then, without further hesitation, I stabbed it into my left arm's bicep. It entered at an angle, so I could push one side out through the muscle.
The second and third followed suit, though by the third I was hissing loudly, the pain threatening to overcome me. I took a few moments to collect myself before speaking.
"Spirits of my ancestors, I call upon you, humbly entreating to speak with my mother. Please guide her to me, or me to her."

For long moments nothing happened. Was I wrong then? Where my interpretations of the Spirits incorrect?
Suddenly, the campfire blazed up, and the wind started howling.
And I heard a voice.
"Srelok?" I instantly knew her voice, even though I'd never met her alive.
"Mother? Where are you?"
"I'm here, behind you." I turned, and saw her. Greyish brown skin, corded muscles, an overabundance of scar tissue. And her left hand a bladed claw. My eyes found hers. They were blue like mine. Her hair was red. There was a cruelty to her, but a softness as well.
"You have questions I take it, my son. I will try to answer them."
For a moment I was overcome, but eventually I found my voice.
"I don't know where to start... Why did you have to die?" She chuckled softly.
"It was my time. The pregnancy had weakened me and I was injured severely in the fighting. You've been in enough fights to know how it goes."
I couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"Fair point. You've watched me then?"
"I did. I saw you grow, I saw you suffer. I'm sorry for your lot in life, and I feel responsible. You inherited my curse, but you never had the control I did... But I mostly just pushed it down as empathy in the pits was as welcome as more dirt." That caught me offguard. So that's where I got it from...
"As I said, I watched you grow up. I saw you embrace the path you chose, and I'm proud of you. You need to learn to harness your agression though, you seem so weak..."
That made me laugh. Ofcourse my Shattered Hand mother would say the same as my Warsong father...
"You sound like my father. How did you two get together...?"
"Well, as you know the Warsong and Shattered Hand weren't the closest of allies, but we were sent out in hunting parties together sometimes. Probably Gul'dan's way of tightening the bonds of the Horde. During one of those we ended up fighting back to back. He quickly let go of the notion of honour, fighting like a Shattered Hand would. No holding back, do whatever it takes to win. He won my respect. From there on we grew closer. He never told e he worked for the shadow council though... Until the end. He told me his plans for you even as I lay dying. He never loved me, as he never loved you. That's my greatest regret."
I looked at her, seeing the aura of regret around her clearly.
"Guess we have that in common. Even after everything he did, when I heard he'd died I felt sorry for him..."
"He deserved the way he died." A wave of hatred flowed from my mother. "You though, you need to be more careful. I saw what you did in Gorgrond for the Frost wolf. The one tainted. You sacrificed so much over the years... You need to find your own happiness."
She looked away a moment, towards the Crossroads in the distance.
"Your position in that tribe... It gives you fulfillment?"
"Aye. They can be a bunch of idiots, but I have friends there, and respect. I feel at home with them."
"And the females? I saw your struggle with the blind one, the halfbreed and the Shattered Hand." She looked back at me, grinning broadly.
"Do we have to discuss this? I became bloodbound with the Shattered Hand, Threkna. It seemed like the best idea, maybe I just felt a kinship. The blind one, Sinami... That will always be a deep wound... But I think I did the right thing there, stepping back..."
I paused a moment, collecting my thoughts about Azguh.
"Azguh, the halfbreed... I'm not sure what to do with her... Can you help me there...?"
She grinned fiercely, drawing tight a few of the facial scars. "Have you tried being confident yet?" She let out a cackle then.
"Father rather beat that out of me..." That earned an even louder cackle.
"Fight! Fight for her if you want her! That's how we did it back then."
"Ghrm.. Good advice I guess... One last question. Is my heritage in any way important to me as a person?"
"Only if you let it be." She looked away again.
"I have to go. Remember this though, in the camp is a relic of me. It should be yours..." And suddenly I was alone again, her presence fading into nothing.

I finished getting dressed, then noticed the spikes still stuck in my arm. The bleeding had stopped, but they still hurt.
I left them in, a reminder of the heritage my mother left me.

[Wornag (Kronnor)]

Don't tell Srelok will be slowly turning into a self-mutilating Shattered Hand. Nosh'marak is enough, we need sane orcs too you know?

Anyway, nice story I wish I was as good as you guys when it comes to write the stories I make out in my head.