Voices - Rashka

[Rashka]

Voices

It was my fault. I kept telling myself it over and over while laying in the furs resting. It was my fault that we lost the cub. Mine. Me being too stubborn, me doing every single possible thing that should not be done whilst pregnant. My fault.
The words kept repeating themselves in my head. And perhaps they were right. I had went straight into battle whilst pregnant, I had put myself in extremely stressing situations that I shouldn't of put myself in but.. It was nonetheless how I am.
I let out a frustrated snort as I held the knife in my hand up closely to my eyes, inspecting it; It were the knife he had given her on the last day of their hunt, beautiful craftsmanship and her name ingraved on both the sides of the blade.
My fault, my fault, my fault. The knife almost were bidding me to do what I were thinking about. But.. I couldn't just-.. Leave Groshnok alone. Nor the Tribe. I got to protect them, no matter what-.. No matter what.
Groshnok surely would be completely broken if he lost me at this time, and all the 'tribes drunk' jokes lately had seemed to go to his heart.. It had started to annoy me too, the jokes. He had really -tried-, and then they still just see him the same way.. He had asked me to teach him how to brawl, and I had agreed. I.. I couldn't just leave him like that.. No.
As I clenched my hand tightly around the hilt of the knife, I let out a sigh. How to make the feeling in my stomach go away.. That knot that only seems to just get bigger and bigger, leaving my feelings more and more torn and broken. As I looked over the knife again I placed it's blade by my arm, pressing it into my soft green skin. Perhaps it would help..? As the blade drew blood, I mumbled a bit. Not even pain I felt anymore.. Growling in annoyance I put the knife away, staring at the wound I just had made.. Pathetic.. You're pathetic Rashka..
My thoughts went onto when we had been in Stonetalon. He had begged me for days to taste on that freaking Elf ear.. And at last I had.. Just a tiny bite, and to my own frustrations it only made me feel worse.. Cannibalism, had I really sunk that low? He had loved to see me doing it, and he surely also loved to joke with me about it afterwards.. I had done it for him, I had done it because I loved him more than anything and I had done it to make him happy. I let out another sigh. If they find out.. We're dead.. Actually, if anyone found out just a tiny bit of what they had done down there, they wouldn't just be executed, no far worse would happen to them for sure. And that was something she did not want to happen.
Squinting her eyes peering out of the hut they had found weeks ago, she stood up, mumbling to herself.
"Better ge' back ter t'Tribe.."

[Rashka]

Nightmares

He were sleeping next to me, and me next to him. I could feel his breathing and his grasp around me. The exotic smell of the room in the inn were slightly overcoming, but his smell dulled it all a little. It almost was like his breathing soothed me a little. The fever still was high and I were sweating like a pinkskin about to be cut down by an Orc. Grunting a little as I turned to look at him, my thoughts went onto today. He had seen the cuts on my arms, and he had almost broken into tears, thinking it was his fault. He had convinced me that losing the cub were neither my fault, or his fault.. But I couldn't help but to think about it still, the voices still there, slowly tearing on my sanity. He looked so peaceful laying there in his sleep. He had told me to come to him if there were just the slightest thing, or if I ever was to use the knife again. He is so caring and lovingly, but it seems like as none in the Tribe notices. I cuddled a bit further into him, closing my eyes. My head were pounding from the fever, making it almost impossible to sleep.. But eventually I fell into a deep sleep..

"Groshnok, where be ye..?" She peered around, only to find her mate on the floor. She blinked her eyes in surprise and shock, rushing towards him. "Rashk.." His voice hoarse and dry. He were covered in blood, both fresh and dry from several wounds and cuts all over him. His next comment surprised her, if not completely baffling her knocking her into a kneeling position. "Wh-.. Why did ye-... D-do t-this.." He looked bewildered at her before his last breathe escaped his mouth. She fell down onto her arse, in complete shock, shaking all over as loud hulks of crying escaped her throat. "Wh-.. I-.. Wha'.." Still shaking she peered out the door. Only to her biggest horror more bodies were laying around, all bodies of Orcs in the Tribe. First now she looked down herself; She were covered in blood all over, her even bloodier katana's next to her on the floor. "This-.. This can' be.. This can' be!!" She roared. "I wouldn'-.." Her sentence were stopped by a sudden sound, a shady figure standing in the door next to her out of nowhere. His voice almost was like a whisper, hoarse and quiet. "Look what you've done little Orc.. Look.." His breathing were clearly with effort as he almost gasped for them every time he took a breath. She narrowed her eyes at the shady figure, but nonetheless she looked around. Not just the bodies of the Tribes Orcs were laying around.. No, even bodies of dead children, all murdered brutally, some even lacking their heads. "Wh-.. I wouldn'-.. Who did this?!" She snarled, staring at the shady figure. In a very slow motion he lifted his arm, only to point at her whilst cackling lowly. "..You."

With a loud scream she woke up, shaking all over and sweaty. Tears were rolling down her chins as she realized he still were laying right there beside her, sleeping deeply still. Laying down, still all shaky she cried lowly to herself.. "Me w-wolf.." Her voice shaky. "I t-thought.." The tears still rolling down her chins as she spoke with a slightly broken and very shaky voice. "I t-though' I l-los' ye.." Small sobs filled the quiet room for the rest of the night, her eyes not leaving his body, nor closing. She did not sleep the rest of that night.