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October 17, 2018, 11:10:00 AM
From the Annals: A (Crude) Orcish Drinking Song
Kosh'harg is nearly upon us again, which is a great time for tall tales and songs! One thing that has always struck me, however, is how few in-universe songs we actually have. Both from Blizzard as well as player-made, particularly orcish songs are quite scarce. Luckily, we did have the creative spirit or two join us every now and then, and Mazguul was certainly one of the most creatives ones you would find out there! During her time as Thur'ruk in the distant past, she wrote a fair few songs that may or may not have been inspired by other game songs. Granted, the following may be a little bit on the lewd side for some, but it's definitely her magnum opus among the ones she shared with us. I present to you, the Quillboar Song!
The Quillboar Song
Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
The spines on his back are too sharp for an orc
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they ought
The result I think you'll find will appal:
The Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,
In the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall-
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
Mounting a horse can often be fun
A huge kodo too; though he weighs half a ton
Even a mouse, though his hole is quite small,
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
Ravishing a cow while she goes moo-moo
Will be entertaining to both her and you
Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a wolf can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe, though it's ever so tall
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im
The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.
If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,
His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.
You'll find that the Quillboar has hundreds of prickles,
To other Quillboar those spines merely tickle,
If buggering Quillboar is what gets you raving,
Just remember that first of all you'll have to shave him,
Else the spines on his back are so grom-damned thick
You'll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
Forgetting to pluck them has led to the call
That a Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way
With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say
"That damned prickly beastie has been my downfall!"
For the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
But I have to say this as a warning to you:
With almost all animals, you can have ball
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
The spines on his back are too sharp for an orc
They'll give you a pain in the worst place they ought
The result I think you'll find will appal:
The Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,
In the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall-
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
Mounting a horse can often be fun
A huge kodo too; though he weighs half a ton
Even a mouse, though his hole is quite small,
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
Ravishing a cow while she goes moo-moo
Will be entertaining to both her and you
Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
And a cat or a wolf can be more than a pet
Even a giraffe, though it's ever so tall
But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im
The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.
If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,
His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.
You'll find that the Quillboar has hundreds of prickles,
To other Quillboar those spines merely tickle,
If buggering Quillboar is what gets you raving,
Just remember that first of all you'll have to shave him,
Else the spines on his back are so grom-damned thick
You'll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
Forgetting to pluck them has led to the call
That a Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way
With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say
"That damned prickly beastie has been my downfall!"
For the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
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