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Dreaming of pastel blue skies, a roaring tide and golden sand.

Sadok and Rhonya sharing a quiet moment, by the immensely talented Kottkrig! A birthday gift for Nadine, only a couple of weeks late.



Here's Kottkrig's Tumblr if you'd like to check out more of her work:
http://kottkrig.tumblr.com

So... Apparently my grandma had a break-in, and they took a lot of keys from her. Scary thing is she had a key to our house, and I'm gonna be home alone during the days... Yay.

Get new locks fitted ASAP and bolt the door, if you can.

[Spoiler:]

answer

Spoiler: show

A banana.
btw Sadok cannibalism is frowned upon in most societies these days. just an fyi before teatime

Not eating! Just tasting. Maybe a nibble. Maybe two.

[Spoiler: Riddle Answer •]

Spoiler: Riddle Answer • show

A woman.

All this talk of scratching this and scratching that. Well, it ain't going to scratch itself.

A DOG IS FISHERMAN

Huh. So that's why they call it King's Landing.

Voted remain and am disappointed generally in today's result, but I don't think it's suitable to discuss politics in this thread. If people would like to quarantine themselves in a separate Brexit thread they're welcome to, but this is just a wacky shitpost thread, not one for slagging each other off on a national basis, be it English, Scottish, European or otherwise.

Be nice to one another, please.

Let's play a game. Find the most inappropriate song for a funeral and post it.

Here's my entry:

[Tempest]

Tempest

Uldum’s night air, cool and sweet, proved eminently salubrious in contrast with its scorching days. We were within our shelter, wrapped in a thick warm fur, safe and secure in each’s others embrace. Her eyes were closed, her breath tickling the nape of my neck, which prickled with gooseflesh. She didn’t say anything, and neither did I, for the language of skin on skin was all we needed tonight. She was only half-awake now, and as her fingers brushed and traced the outline of my chest before falling still, I knew that sleep had found her. I stared above at the twinkling starlight, and was thankful for this secret, special moment

My eyes were heavy, however. I closed them, and soon sleep overtook me. Not all at once, but gradually and irresistibly, lapping softly at the edges of my fading consciousness like the first waters of a slowly rolling, rising tide. I relaxed tense muscles, laid down all thoughts and surrendered to the void. It was miles to the coast, yet that beguiling tide was now all about me. I drank deeply from the endless blue wine, and before I knew it, I was taken from her arms and swept gently out to sea…

…

Shadows swirled before my eyes, and strange menacing tongues floated on the wind, almost whispering in my ear. Pulsing beams of light in pale red, blue and green cascaded like sickly rainbows tumbling from the sky, and I had to shield my eyes lest I be struck blind on the spot. When I looked again, the shadows had spilled into the air and onto the ground, surrounding me in a dark impenetrable fog. Shapeless forms shifted before my eyes, and I imagined I saw great warriors, sharp weapons and horrific monsters within it â€" I pushed through the smog before it swallowed me whole, and felt the smothering smoke and ash choke me.

I felt my way dumbly through the fog, for my sight and hearing was useless. As was my smell and taste â€" an overpowering reek of sulphur and brimstone was all I could discern. The smoke before me contorted in the shape of grotesque eyes and mouths, ready to spot and devour me without hesitation, so I changed course, advancing to my left some ways. I was hopelessly lost and without my bearings, so it came as a considerable surprise when something smacked bluntly against my shins, and I stumbled and doubled-over, losing my balance.

I felt the jagged shadows begin to poke, prod and gnaw around the edges of me, and I knew that there was no escape from this abyss â€" until a slender hand suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me away into some unseen island of sanctuary amongst the ravening nothingness. The shadows already ate away at its borders, and I knew that within moments even this oasis would be consumed by the blackness that had covered the rest of this realm.

As my eyes adjusted to the light again, I could only gasp as I discerned her form â€" her long black hair tangled and matted, her skin caked with dirt and filth, and a trickle of blood streaming from her cracked lips. Her clothes were tattered and left nothing to the imagination, and I could see the bruises, welts and cuts on her famished body. She gave me a leering, maddening glare, baring yellowed fangs â€" and I was left with the impression of being cornered by some feral beast hungry for its next meal.

I stuttered: “Rhonya, pleaseâ€"“ but she pounced upon me with a vicious snarl, driving her teeth into my neck as she sought to maim flesh and tear out my throat. Her fingernails were long and gnarled, and they slashed against my skin as they tried to pin me down. Yet for all her ferocity, she proved much weakened however, and in my desperate struggle for survival I was able to easily push her from me, shoving her harshly to one side as she half-vanished into the encroaching fog. My fingers moved to graze my bleeding neck, which stung and smarted, and I was overcome with anger â€" that she would strike me, bite me, seek to consume me.

But when I turned to glimpse her prone form, the rage subsided and was replaced by pity. She was seething and weeping, her red eyes burning with tears as her skeletal form thrashed and convulsed on the ground. From her throat came a haunted scream, and I was overcome with her vulnerability â€" a pathetic, withered carcass whining in the dirt. She was flesh and she was bone, and I was only meat to her. Her dignity, her compassion and her soul had been stripped from her, and she was now just a mindless beast.

As I studied her carefully, I had failed to notice the shadows encroach all about us, and soon they began to nip and prickle at me again. The gangrel creature that had once been Rhonya shrieked and panicked, like a startled horse â€" the shadows began to took her, and it was then when I noticed the dull gleaming on her bony knuckles. I thrust forward and groped for her hands, overcome by the sudden impulse. Her bloodshot eyes snapped on mine, and I heard her bestial shriek ringing in my ears as she pushed me away, writhing and hacking with her claws. I fell to the ground hard, and closed my palm hard around what I had taken from her.

How many months had it been, since I gifted it to her in the primal wilds of Tanaan? Or was it the Kosh’harg, amongst Nagrand’s tranquil breezes, or the tundra of Northrend? I could not remember, and it all seemed so many miles away and so long ago â€" yet I opened my palm and gazed upon the glittering golden ring, set with a brilliant blue sapphire gemstone enchanted with the magics of the churning Maelstrom. The shadows had now surrounded me completely, slowly devouring my consciousness, and I was struck with a sudden impulse â€" I cast the ring down with the last of my strength and the gemstone shattered upon the floor.

Endless streams of water gushed forth from the ring, a great tidal wave filled with the fury of the seven seas. A great upheaval of water, salt and foam washed away all the smoke, ash and sulphur â€" the shadowy warriors and monsters were extinguished at once, and as I was carried helplessly off by a strong surging current, I saw the gangrel creature I had once loved sucked into a raging whirlpool, tearing her withered flesh from bone with a sickening crack.

Everything about me was water and storm now, and I struggled to stay afloat as the salty waves lashed back and forth. My wound stung bitterly, but my only concern now was ensuring the freezing tide did not drag me under. The sky lit up with forked prongs of lightning, the ear-splitting electrifying crack accompanied by rolling thunder that boomed across the endless seascape. I was hopelessly adrift, pushed and shoved around like flotsam upon the briny blue.

I paddled through the storm, weathering the icy, turbulent waters as I sought some means of escape. Clearing my throat, I was struck by a splash of seawater that coated my mouth with the taste of salt and… blood? Indeed, as I strained to look about me, I now saw that the deep blues were mixed with crimson, and sea-gulls circled overhead, mangled limbs and flesh hanging from the scavengers’ beaks. The fins of sharks and other sea-creatures cut through the water, looking for easy prey. I heard the screaming and suffering of multitudes, crying out their last.

It was then that I saw the slave ship rolling on the tide, illuminated by an angry setting sun and the tempest’s fierce-edged clouds. The waves were sweeping its decks, and as the ship began to take on water, manacled orcs were being thrown overboard by its crew. The slaves thrashed and drowned upon the tide, some drowning and others already dead â€" I saw phantom hands and feet bobbing like buoys before vanishing under for good.

A panicked cry echoed from the slave ship â€" the sea shone with a brilliant light as the bowsprit was struck by lightning, the spar cracking in two and sundering suddenly from the prow,  causing the ship to heave violently downward. The bow was utterly swamped by the buffeting tide, and as the masts swayed in the wind, the ship found itself swallowed by the sea, men jumping overboard for their lives. Masters were mingled with slaves in the blood-red foam, and the sharks now swept in for their sport. The last thing I saw was the remaining crew clinging desperately to the sinking mizzenmast, furled sails slick with water proving treacherous for their grip.

I would see no more, for at that moment some powerful force dragged me beneath the waves, its claws wrapped hard around my ankle. I opened my mouth to scream, and instead gulped down lungfuls of frozen water. My vision blurred as a numbness overtook me, and I knew then that it was folly to hope the storms might wash away the shadow â€" for the forsaken depths of the sea cast the darkest shadow of all. I vanished into the void, to a watery grave.

Nothing wrong with sleeping in the nude tbh, I do it a lot.

Great, now I'm picturing you naked. I'm filled with so many strange and confusing feelings. 

Maybe it's just me though, but I don't particularly want to think about anyone in OotRB in the buff.