Orcs of the Red Blade

The Quillboar Song

  Bestiality sure is a fun thing to do
    But I have to say this as a warning to you:
    With almost all animals, you can have ball
    But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!
   
    The spines on his back are too sharp for an orc
    They'll give you a pain in the worst place they ought
    The result I think you'll find will appal:
    The Quillboar can never be buggered at all!

    You can bugger the bear, if you do it with care,
    In the winter, when he is asleep in his lair,
    Though I would not advise it in spring or in fall-
    But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!

    Mounting a horse can often be fun
    A huge kodo too; though he weighs half a ton
    Even a mouse, though his hole is quite small,
    But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.

    Ravishing a cow while she goes moo-moo
    Will be entertaining to both her and you
    Or you might try a tiger, if you have enough gall
    But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.

    A fish is refreshing, although a bit wet
    And a cat or a wolf can be more than a pet
    Even a giraffe, though it's ever so tall
    But the Quillboar can never be buggered at all.
   
    You can order or shoo 'im, or run a knife through 'im
    The one thing you cannot do is stick it to 'im.
    If you try to seduce 'im, you'll end in a fix,
    His prickles defend him against rampant pricks.

    You'll find that the Quillboar has hundreds of prickles,
    To other Quillboar those spines merely tickle,
    If buggering Quillboar is what gets you raving,
    Just remember that first of all you'll have to shave him,
   
    Else the spines on his back are so grom-damned thick
    You'll end up with naught but a perforate prick.
    Forgetting to pluck them has led to the call
    That a Quillboar can never be buggered at all!

    At the end of the day, when you've had your rough way
    With all of those creatures, you'll just have to say
    "That damned prickly beastie has been my downfall!"
    For the Quillboar can never be buggered at all!